Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts…

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Whilst checking out the vending machine at work, which is usually stocked with the usual vending machine faire, I noticed that they replaced our regular Brown Sugar Pop Tarts with something a bit more chocolatey. This is awesome for me, because I fucking love chocolate.

Now, I don’t get out much, so I honestly had no idea that there were actually Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts in the world.

Yes, I have been living under a rock for the past dozen or so years. Why do you ask?

However, now that I’ve actually had the Chocolate Chip Pop Tarts, I must say — don’t bother. Just not that impressive. That “Good source of 7 Vitamins and Minerals” label appears to suck most of the joy and taste out of the chocolate part. Damn you, Kellogg’s.
How about some Bacon Pop Tarts? Oh, wait… it’s been done and I’m so trying this.

The Anne Burrell Drinking Game

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I like cooking shows. Which is a bit amusing because, well, I don’t cook. It’s not that I can’t — just that I don’t.  My favorite show is Alton Brown’s Good Eats, but that’s another post.

Another entertaining show is Anne Burrell’s Secrets of a Restaurant Chef. It’s relatively new and the food looks pretty good.

My wife and I were watching a few past episodes of the show last night for grins. While watching, I noticed some of Anne’s mannerisms and phrases seemed to occur a bit more often than perhaps they should have.

Then a giant, strobe-like light bulb started flashing wildly in my head. I turned to my wife and said, “We should do the Anne Burrell Drinking Game.”
She looked intrigued.
“But,” I continued, “we’d probably be smashed about 26 seconds into the show.”
We started taking some notes on the next two episodes to see how it would work out.  Here’s the rough idea we have:
Rule 1: Ignore the introduction to the show — where Anne is describing the dish she’s going to prepare.  You need to focus on what she’s planning on making in that episode.
Rule 2: Drinking Events. As the meal begins, watch for certain things that Anne does — that’ll be your queue to make with the intoxication.
  • Rolling: “That’s how I roll.” “That’s how it rolls.” “That’s how they roll.” Even getting something, “ready to roll.” They all count. Anything that involves rolling.  That’s a swig of cheap beer. No, you don’t need to slam ’em. Your liver won’t be able to take the abuse.
  • Sexy FoodAny time Anne uses the word “sexy” to describe a food, talks to food as if it were sexy, or otherwise speaks to the food. For example, while putting a dish in the oven, “I’ll see you little sexy things in 25 minutes!” That’s a shot. We haven’t decided exactly what the shot will be of.
  • The Pirate ChefGo watch Pirates of the Caribbean. Better watch all three — they’re worth it. We’ll wait. Back already? Okay, remember the scenes where Captain Sparrow staggers around and waves his hands about a bit as if he were a bit tipsy? Yeah, that. Anne uses that particularly when she’s describing flavors and textures of foods mixing and melding together.  Wavy, drunken pirate?  A shot of Captain Morgan.
  • Thank You For ComingThe phrase itself is a politically correct version of a dismissal. “Thank you for coming” means “We’re glad you dropped by, but you suck, so don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.” Actually, I rather like the phrase.  Anne’s intent is to describe the garbage bin as the “Thank you for coming bin” where trash is tossed.  But her delivery in the first few episodes left it overused, abused, and, well, ready for the thank-you-for-coming bin.  A “Thank you for coming” means a shot of some cute-sounding flavored liqueur.
  • Go AheadAnne is always going ahead. She uses the phrase “go ahead” more often than a high school girl uses “like” and “um”.  It’s said so often that it’s distracting — it was the one thing that finally sent me over the edge.  So, when you hear it, go ahead and take a swig.  Like Sexy Food, we’re still a bit undecided on what you should go ahead and take a swig of. If you have any ideas, go ahead and let us know. Just go ahead and leave something in the comments. Go ahead, we don’t mind.
Well, it’s still a bit fuzzy around the edges, but the idea has merit, methinks.  Additions?  Changes?  Post in the comments.

For now, I have to answer the phone — I think it’s one of Food Network’s lawyers.

Disclaimer: I like Anne Burrell and from the looks of the show, the cooking part is a one-shot deal, so I understand how hard it is to fill 25 minutes in front of a camera feeling like you’re talking to yourself the whole time. This is all in good fun.





Update: As of this moment, nobody has ever put the phrase “Anne Burrell Drinking Game” on a web page. Ever. Seriously. Google it.

Creating Remote Shares in Windows from the Command Line

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No doubt the first question one would have may well be, “Why in the world would you want to do such a thing?”  Well, if you have a domain and prefer to use the command line, then this could help you. Obviously, there’s little need for this type of thing on a standalone computer.
So, how do we do it?
You’ll need a copy of rmtshare.exe — it’s in the Windows NT Resource Kit, but Microsoft has also placed it in the public domain. You can download a copy of it from Microsoft’s FTP site at:
Place the file in a folder then run it to extract a readme.txt file and the executable itself.
No better way than to demonstrate:
Let’s say you have a server called webserver01 and it has a directory called D:\Logs from which you wish to create a share. Let’s also say that we want the share to be readable only to a single domain user or group. We’ll call it “MYDOMAIN\LogReaders”.
Easy enough:
rmtshare \\webserver01\logs=d:\logs /REMARK:"Log files" /GRANT "MYDOMAIN\LogReaders":r
Very nice.
What if you have, say, 10 or even 1000 servers you want to do exactly the same thing on in your domain?
for %f in (
webserver01
webserver02
...
webserver1001
webserver1002
) do (
rmtshare \\%f\logs=d:\logs /REMARK:"IIS Logs" /GRANT "MYDOMAIN\LogReaders":r
)
One could also, if desired, just feed the for command a file that has all of the server names in it — one server per line — to accomplish the same thing in even fewer lines:
for /f "usebackq tokens=1" %f in (
`type c:\path\to\serverlist.txt`
) do (
rmtshare \\%f\logs=d:\logs /REMARK:"IIS Logs" /GRANT "MYDOMAIN\LogReaders":r
)
Or even one line, if desired:
for /f "usebackq tokens=1" %f in (`type c:\path\to\serverlist.txt`) do ( rmtshare \\%f\logs=d:\logs /REMARK:"IIS Logs" /GRANT "MYDOMAIN\LogReaders":r )
I love the command line.

The Beer Prayer

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Our Lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.

Thy will be drunk
(I will be drunk)
At home as in the tavern.

Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.

And lead us not into incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers.

For thine is the beer,
The Bitter and the Lager,
For ever and ever,
Barmen.