Holiday Trees

Jay gets me thinking with this post. Go read it, this page isn’t going anywhere.

First: I’m atheist.

Second: I have two christmas trees in my house. Though I am slacking a bit in getting just one of them up and decorated this year. I still call them christmas trees because, well, that’s the term that’s been used as long as I’ve been alive.

Let’s move on.

Now, recognizing, of course, that there’s no reference in the Christian bible of evergreen trees being associated with the birth of Jesus Christ — and the birth of Jesus Christ is, of course, why people like to call it Christmas anyway, I have to ask: would the protesters have preferred that they call it a Winter Solstice Tree? Or maybe just Pagan Tree? That is, after all, where that particular symbol originates.

That said, the fact that they’re using what I think is a far less logical “Holiday Tree” term pisses me off, too. They also say things like, “Happy holidays!” as to not offend any non-believers. The problem, specifically, they don’t actually say which holiday is being recognized.

So, which holiday is it? Christmas? Yule? New Year’s Day? Thanksgiving? MLK Day? President’s Day? Labor Day? They’re all holidays, aren’t they? So, just which fscking holiday are you recognizing anyway?

Fine. We’ll do it this way:

I intend putting up a Holiday Tree of my own, but I’m going to do one in July. I’m going to put red, white, and blue lights on it, hang an assortment of various cartridges from its boughs, branches, and limbs, and maybe buy myself a new firearm to wrap in some festive paper to place beneath it… I’m calling it an Independence Tree.

Overreaction, Line One

From The Smoking Gun, via Borepatch, comes a tale of a fellow — Michael Alan Skopec — who, well, has difficulty with thinking. Turns out that Michael had some trouble with his iPhone. So, instead of heading to Google or, even better, Apple, he decided it would be best to just call 911 repeatedly.

He was arrested for Disorderly Conduct. That makes sense. I mean, after all, they don’t have a charge for Felony Stupid.

The police report describe the nature of his broken iPhone, but I imagine that it was something like, “Oh, you need to type your password to download When Harry Met Sally and Thelma & Louise from the iTunes store,” so he probably lost his mind and started calling 911 while his mother was yelling down to the basement to calm down.

That guy is one of those people who needs a handler to keep him from drowning in his soup. And, because he has demonstrated such incredibly poor judgement, I’d strongly recommend that he be restrained from operating any complex machinery, like, for example, nuclear missiles, automobiles, cordless drills, and forks.