Category: life

Winds

On By JohnIn life1 Comment

With certainty, the winds of change direct the courses of our lives. It’s not always clear from where the winds blow nor to where. They may sometimes seem stale and stagnant. Other times, powerful and terrifying. They may even not take us where we wish or need to be. Nevertheless, we will sail them and give our all to make the best of that wind when it blows.

—

I posted that nine years ago and on The Book of Face. I’ve no idea why I didn’t post it here. And even less of an idea of what prompted it.

Today, it’s something that I, and everyone else, needs to hear.

On Burnout…

On By JohnIn life, workLeave a comment

Never push loyal people to the point where they don’t give a damn.

Peter Drucker, 1909 – 2005

Thinking back, there were signs of a somewhat lessening interest in Pearson in particular and in Computer Science in general somewhere around about October, 2017. That was right about the time that one of the greatest champions of the team announced his departure.

People move on.

That year, after a business trip to Austin for KubeCon in early December, I was feeling quite burned out. We were planning another trip to Noida to transition a team in February, 2018, but I’d settled that after Christmas (of 2017), it’ll be time to start seeking in earnest opportunities elsewhere.

And The Universe said, “Oh, you have plans, do you? Here, try some gravity…” And the fall and TBI happened.

Strike one.

In the coming months, while struggling with rewiring my brain and body, the entirety of the team who’d pioneered the evolution within the company from the long-standing Mode 1 hardware model into a Mode 2 infrastructure model — which, by design, would slash spend dramatically across from the company — would disperse.

And The Universe said, “Ah, while you’re in the prolonged recovery, here’s some innocuous bacteria…” Then the infection.

Strike two.

Clearly, I’d end up being more dependent upon modern healthcare and needed to relocate to larger city. Moses Lake wasn’t nearly as connected to technologies as I’d have hoped. So, we’d planned on moving to Spokane — not only because it was a large city, but also because it wasn’t nearly as expensive as the Seattle metro area was.

And The Universe said, “Oh, you’re still coming up with ideas, are you? How about this…” Then the layoff and all of its psychological stressors.

Strike three.

My confidence in Computer Science at that moment was not only shaken… it was shattered. I doubted everything related to computer-anything. Programming, development, design, experimentation — I stopped caring about everything: the pursuit of work, life, self.

I would spend the next several months seeking desperately a reason to continue — a reason to do. What I needed most was sense of purpose.

Alright, Universe… what else you got?

Locusts? Ha!

Pandemic? Please.

Earthquakes? Hey, we all get a bit wobbly with age.

Riots? Amateurs.

Wildfires? Bah!

So, bring it on.

Achievement Unlocked

On By JohnIn human condition, lifeLeave a comment

The first time I’d read Heinlein’s Time Enough for Love was in High School. About 30 years ago. One line from the book that seemed most meaningful that, in varying forms, stuck with me throughout the years was on specialization.

Rather, it wasn’t directly from the story itself, but it was a sub-story within the story — from the section, “Excerpts from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long”. Lazarus Long, is, of course, the’s book’s the kilt-clad protagonist.

His notebooks contained wise sayings, recommendations, cautions, realizations, what have you.

One of those excerpts from his fictitious notebooks was this:

A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”

Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

For a long time, I had commented that somebody must learn of and actually do each one of those varied tasks throughout life.

Save one. That last.

Not very convenient — you won’t witness your own death.

But it wasn’t until quite recently that I realized that I had, in fact, achieved every single one of those diverse skills as of December nearly three years ago. In fairness, whether it was “gallant” is open to interpretation — so, die gallantly, provisionally.

I’ll take it.

Oh, also:

Yeah, I’ve always been the person who did things out of the natural order.

The Son of Gerber Incident

On By JohnIn life, tbiLeave a comment

How in the world did I manage to break the tip of the #0 (#2?) flathead screwdriver on my multitool?

I do have a rather very vague memory of damaging it. I also know that it was perhaps a few years ago.

Was it around the time of my TBI? Just a few days before? Separating the sequence of events around that time is a bit of a jumble.

I can only assume that I thought at the time, “Oh, that’s annoying… could’ve been worse… I’ll fix it/order a replacement”.

Also, no, I would not have damaged it by using the screwdriver as a pry-bar. A screwdriver is a screwdriver and I know that hardened steel will break, not bend.

So, that’s two MP400s that I’ve damaged in 33 years.

**sigh**

Yep, I’ll keep this one. No need to throw it out. It’d be a good reason to break out the bastard file and see about shaving it down.