Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

On 2024-04-232024-04-14 By JohnIn vote with your walletLeave a comment

Late one night, Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping in the wilderness. In the middle of the night, Holmes woke Watson and said, “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson, a bit groggy, looked up and replied, “I see thousands of stars, an endless expanse of the universe. It’s awe-inspiring to contemplate the vastness of space and the possibility of extraterrestrial life.”

Holmes nodded and then said, “And what do you deduce from that, Watson?”

Watson thought for a moment and then answered, “Well, astronomically, it suggests that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. And what do you deduce, Holmes?”

Holmes replied with a smirk, “Watson, you fool. Someone has stolen our tent!”

Holiday Trees

On 2011-12-07 By JohnIn human condition, sheep, vote with your walletLeave a comment

Jay gets me thinking with this post. Go read it, this page isn’t going anywhere.

First: I’m atheist.

Second: I have two christmas trees in my house. Though I am slacking a bit in getting just one of them up and decorated this year. I still call them christmas trees because, well, that’s the term that’s been used as long as I’ve been alive.

Let’s move on.

Now, recognizing, of course, that there’s no reference in the Christian bible of evergreen trees being associated with the birth of Jesus Christ — and the birth of Jesus Christ is, of course, why people like to call it Christmas anyway, I have to ask: would the protesters have preferred that they call it a Winter Solstice Tree? Or maybe just Pagan Tree? That is, after all, where that particular symbol originates.

That said, the fact that they’re using what I think is a far less logical “Holiday Tree” term pisses me off, too. They also say things like, “Happy holidays!” as to not offend any non-believers. The problem, specifically, they don’t actually say which holiday is being recognized.

So, which holiday is it? Christmas? Yule? New Year’s Day? Thanksgiving? MLK Day? President’s Day? Labor Day? They’re all holidays, aren’t they? So, just which fscking holiday are you recognizing anyway?

Fine. We’ll do it this way:

I intend putting up a Holiday Tree of my own, but I’m going to do one in July. I’m going to put red, white, and blue lights on it, hang an assortment of various cartridges from its boughs, branches, and limbs, and maybe buy myself a new firearm to wrap in some festive paper to place beneath it… I’m calling it an Independence Tree.

Disconnect, Logical

On 2011-12-04 By JohnIn education isn't, vote with your wallet1 Comment

If PBS is supposed to be publicly-funded, commercial-free television, then why is its weekday morning programming for kids peppered with commercials, er, I mean, “sponsorship” from profitable companies whose primary customers are those same kids?

Not a Disorder

On 2011-11-17 By JohnIn human condition, reality, vote with your walletLeave a comment

Speech therapy for Southern accents. My remarks, also left in the comments on Unc’s site, are…

—

Sounds like somebody is uncomfortable with themselves and found a business opportunity. “I’ll help you overcome that stereotype that half of american society has…” To which, I say, “Ah thank y’all kin suck mah bawlz.”

Just a clarification here: I’m not some English-or-die type. I speak three languages, but I also recognize that there are a few thousand primary languages around the globe and many, many dialects and subdialects of each. The big problem I have with this, uh, person, is that they’re using the term “therapy”. That suggests that it’s a disease, disorder, or medical problem. It’s a culture. Leave it be.