Alles klar? ;) http://ift.tt/2t2D1I4
Fun fact: most people mispronounce ‘Adidas’
Found on the internet – no idea if it’s legit, but funny and a bit sad if it is:
THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY “THOMAS COOK VACATIONS” FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:
1. “On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don’t like spicy food.”
2. “They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax.”
3. “We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish.”
4. “We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price.”
5. “The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room.”
6. “We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow.”
7. “It’s lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during ‘siesta’ time – this should be banned.”
8. “No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared.”
9. “Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers.”
10. “I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts.”
11. “The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun.”
12. “It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair.”
13. “I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends’ three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller.”
14. “The brochure stated: ‘No hairdressers at the resort.’ We’re trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service.”
15. “When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners.”
16. “We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning.”
17. “It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel.”
18. “I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes.”
19. “My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.”
An old, but still-accurate one:
In the beginning was the plan.
And then came the assumptions.
And the assumptions were without form.
And the plan was without substance.
And darkness was upon the face of the workers.
And they spoke among themselves saying, “It is a crock of shit and it stinketh.“
And the workers went unto their supervisors and said, “It is a pale of dung and none may abide the odor thereof.”
And the supervisor went unto their managers and said, “It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it.“
And the managers went unto their directors, saying, “It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength.”
And the directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, “It contains that which aids plant growth and it is very strong.“
And the directors went unto the vice presidents, saying unto them, “It promotes growth and is very powerful.”
And the vice presidents went unto the president, saying unto him, “The new plan will promote the growth and vigor of the company, with powerful effects.“
And the president looked upon the plan and saw that it was good.
And the plan became policy.
Pretty much me any time our dev team asks me to write non-procedural code.
(I’m a linear, procedural-code kind of guy)
“The Old Chap and the Magic Triangles”
Although the particular reference wasn’t to music but to, uh, old chaps and magic triangles and in particular to the absurdity of having gender-specific-anything.
 See James May; Italian Lessons. (2017, January 27). In The Grand Tour.