Fear Uncertainty and Doubt apparently surround tomorrow’s nationwide Emergency Alert System test planned by the Federal Fear Department — oh, sorry, the Federal Unicorns Cuddling Kittens department.

Just received an email from elsewhere in the organization it included some vague description of what would happen and this little sentence:

The test message on TV might not indicate that it is just a test.

Wait, what? So they’re going to do a test but not actually tell people it’s a test? How does that work exactly? Are you going to just send out a nationwide blast message saying “This is a test of the Emergency Alert System… this is only a test…”

Or are you instead, just to see if people are paying attention, planning on sending out something more like, “Holy f**k, we’re all doomed! Zombie Apocalypse is upon us! Fear everything!”

If you want to have a test, then use a message that states clearly that it’s a test. If you want people to be concerned and turn into dangerous panicky animals, then, by all means, tell them that there’s some major global catastrophe happening.